Irinaajo (The Journey)

***Omo, Dem dey Jollof for here!!!

2008-06-08T10:38:00.003Z

I sent one of my boys an invite to attend my graduation last year. He applied for a visa, he got refused with a flimsy excuse. When i went to naija I wrote the appeal letter for him and accused the entry officer of everything short of the genocide in Rwanda. Still some kolo at the appeal tribunal threw his appeal out, and bragged that he didnt even look at it. But in the end, someone sent an email from the home office advising him to go submit his passport at the high commission...the rest as they say is now history.

Ok, dude makes the odd 6 hr flight down here, and I happily picked him up from the airport. From there I took him to a Chinese restaurant cause I felt he needed to eat.

At the buffet, Omo boy was just codedly looking around, assimilating the environment..he kept stealing glances at my Oyibo girlfriend and winking at me....to him I was chopping life. He then asked for my phone, that he wanted to text awon boyz in Gidi and tell dem he had landed. I gave him happily...and this went on back and forth between jand and Las Gidi

My friend: Eyin temi, I don arrive O...we thank God, finally I don dey mama charley land. *send*

Awon boys: Adupe o, omo boy u sef don turn big boy be that o, shebi ur first moto go land naija in about 1 month abi?..lol *send*

My friend: me big boy?..una need to come see OmoIbadan, dude na Oba for here mehn..if una see him white babe una go faint..we even dey chinko restaurant for here..see chinko babes with big yansh everywhere...*send*

Awon boys: Tony don faint O!....omo chinko wit big yansh...we don die..abeg flow us gist ogbeni..

My friend: na only dat one...omo this place must be heaven, see the roads as dem te'e, the air na constant amana..I don dey even yellow dey come...chei if us ee phones ehn, OmoIbadan phone na fire..una go just passout if un get this kind for that side, awon babes go just dey follow una like kokoro...*send*

Awon boys: Abeg my guy send me picture of that phone...I go fit take am razzle some babe say na my phone wey my paddy don already send bu DHL, I go don do papambe wit am finish before she know say na just pikture....*send*

My friend: Olorun Oba!!!...see this white babe wey just pass me...fresh like eja koteh..men oyobo gurls fine mehn....see boobs!!!...*send*

Awon boys: koni da fun awon to wa ni embasi...that guy wey refuse me visa 3 times in a row, ara loma shon pa the werey..kai, i want oyibo babe too now..Jesu gbo adura mi...I go apply again, if dem refuse me again ehn, na shango i go just kuku go give the visa money to make e kuku fire dem wit thunda...*send*

My friend: lol...take e easy...God's time is the best...no be my 3 rd passport and 6th refusal be this one..no be God use Omoibadan take help me...dem give me 6 months, i dey laff for my mind..awon...oloshi, 6 years I still dey this town, koni ragba fun wan.....*send*

Awon boys: help me beg Omoibadan now, make im help me too, jo nitori oloun....*send*

My friend: I go talk to am later, U know say im no too like ur ways, but I go tell am...but i need return fone now sha, im don dey complain about credit...ehen..im say we dey go watch Man U 2moro...omo make una watch out for me for DSTV, I go run enter pitch go hug C. Ronaldo....*send*

Awon boys: sha ma je gbogbo aye...remember to buy me, Tony, Kassim, and Morufu aka Murphy Arsenal jersey O..Gunners for life!!..*send*

My friend: ok, make I first work first now.....help me go tell my mama say i don land o...I go call house later....*send*

***Fiction.

Jesu wa ni beer!!!

2008-05-11T10:50:00.001Z

I know some xtian sisters will be wondering what on earth is that title supposed to be about....lol...well that was some of the crazy sh!t the neighbourhood I grew up in used to so kindly throw into the air for us.

I remember my growing days in Ibadan, I remember that CAC church, just a house away from ours, built with planks and fenced with corrugated iron sheets (I think they eventually built one in concrete). The choir had for musical instruments, kongas, sakara (that tambourine-like drum),and agogos (bells). We the kids of the street had the doors always open to us cos they encouraged us to feed our curiosity and maybe become members of the choir/congregation.

Evening services normally began at 5pm, and to announce that, some dude in the church goes on the microphone (sorry, I forgot to mention they had mics too) and screamed repeatedly "Jesu wan bi ah!, baba wan bi ah!". To my young ears that sounded like "Jesu wa ni beer!, Baba wa ni beer!". How can the same people that normally banged it into our ears that drinking would make us go to hell be the ones allowing this guy to also proclaim that Jesu exists inside the larger?
lol..took me quite some time to finally realize it wasn't "beer" that the guy was saying, but then it was already imprinted in my head "Jesu wa ni beer!, baba wa ni beer!"....those where the days men, when I had no worries in life, play, play, and play....

My Music Man 2

2008-03-21T08:48:00.005Z

Ok, peoples, this is the real deal...yes O I don enter music exec business...I be A&R now...lol...ok check this out..

Heavy something-The Mixtape

My Music man

2008-03-17T20:02:00.005Z

I am a well known sucker for everything Naija..even tho the news from home isnt some stuff that's elating, but then we don't need to be down shebi we are the happiest people on earth...lol, anyway, as I was saying before i rudely interrupted myself, Naija hip-hop gives me most of the joy I crave (notice I didnt say ALL), and who better to give it to me than my main man, DJ MightyMike, ATL's sleekest behind the wheels of stainless steel...lemme give you a quick lick of what he is capable of throwing down...this is just mini..

Playlist
1.CHINWE IKE FT. 2FACE - ESTHER (OF RESONANCE)
2.GUNNERS FOR LIFE - DURELLA
3.BOOTY CALL - WANDE COAL,D'BANJ, DON JAZZY
4.WICKED GRINGORY - BRICK &LACE, DJ STRAMBORELLA
5.ATIDE - AYUBA/BANKY W.
6.AFRICA SING - 3RD WORLD KOMMISSION FT. SAUCE KID
7.IN CASE YOU NEVER KNOW - 2 SHOTZ FT. TIMAYA
8.AKALAWU - EMECX DADDY
9.SAME NI- DJ ZEEZ
10.IBO BOY - ILLBLISS
11.SHAKY UNA BODY - DAT NIGGA RAW
12.AHOMKA (RMX) - VIP
13.ROCK THIS DANCE - DANNY YOUNG
14.HOW WE DO - LEXXY DO
15.IMAGINE DAT (RMX) - STYL PLUS

Download it here
Watch out for the Real Mixtape, March 28th. Watch this space.
Peace out!!.

Tales from Naija 2

2008-03-01T09:52:00.002Z

Ok, lets continue with the gist....

Naija peeps are like the funniest set of beings anyone will ever meet. Little wonder they say we are the happiest people on earth. Shey u know, Schipol is like a melting pot for travelers who travel by KLM, from North America, UK, and Ireland. Airlines normally allow 2 pieces of luggage and a hand luggage...well...not so for my country people, it was xmas and they needed to ship all the gains of their sojourn abroad back to base. Some people's hand luggage was bigger than both my stowaway luggage combined. I don't blame them, shebi, as long as you can drag the luggage along with your hand then it becomes "hand luggage".
The flight was delayed because KLM knew there wont be space for humans to sit if all that "hand luggage" was allowed into the cabin. They had to bring in a trolley to take most of them and load in the cargo hull. Even after that was done the inside a crowded molue had more space than the inside of this 747. Before I got to my seat a woman who had her seat way in front had put her luggage in my own space...I almost dragged the thing down from there..and maybe fling it out of the window. What nonsense..I had to call in one of the air hostesses who was already looking harassed. Well at the end, I had to accomodate my Naija "sister" who as usual had gone on a begging spree, invoking Osanobua and Atererekariaye.

That trip was very uncomfortable for like the first 3 hours...kids screaming, people talking so loud. The queue at the toilets were at some times so long I began to wonder if there was a drinking competition going on somewhere on the plane.

We got to MMA, had one of the smoothest landings I have experienced in all my travels which was accompanied by a scream of "praise the lord" followed by a thunderous halleluyah!!!..anyway, I was back home after a while out..I was as happy as a clam.

Ok, open the exits now....for where, the captain announced that they where trying to restore power to the motorized stairway..THIS IS NIGERIA!!! surely I didnt miss my way. Ten minutes, we still waited. The air conditioner on the plane had already been switched off, and the heat that was growing in there was becoming unbearable. I think this got some people irritable..before I could say Mungo Park, a big fight had broken out, a guy who had been speaking yankee phonee all along and and another guy who had been speaking in a funny accent of English mixed with heavy Igbo (all this Ireland based Nigerians sef)had pulled their shirts and where threatning to kill each other...Oma ga o.

Eventually we got off and headed into the arrival hall arrival, I had relations who were airport officials, so they practically met me as i got off the plane...though it was hot, I was so happy to see them. I began to peel off all the big stuff I wore..make heat no go kill pesin as im land house. I was hoping the arrival hall would give me some respite, shebi AC will be pumping at that joint. For where!!!!..one of the immigration officers was telling us it broke down yesterday..ah!!!! which kain airport be this? Ok...I sha cleared immiga and headed to pick my luggage. Walahi talahi, MMA isnt an airport, see the crowd around the carousel, in the hall, at the door...most of these people had no business in there..boys in bathroom slippers, sitting on the pavements outside...hailing you "bros welkumu O"..trying to hustle your bag, alabaru at the airport too?..lol!..see, this isnt an airport jo, may be a plane terminal, just like the ones they have for danfos. I still wonder how come they say its international....from JFK, to Gatwick...I have never seen any like MMA..Naija I bow. But I was very happy to be back home..felt real good,felt really really good.

Tales from naija.....

2008-01-27T19:25:00.000Z

Let me start by saying sorry....to everyone who has visited hoping to jam some fresh stuff, only to get here and meet the same old boring ish....EMA BINU!, I am suffering from a relapse of writer's block...It comes and goes, I have tried agbo, I have tried fasting..no way. I think its chronic. But I go survive sha.

Yes O, happy new year to all my friends, my friends'friends, and their friends. This year for sure is going to be that year that we will do big big things, lagbara edumare!.

Ok, let me bring you guys up to speed on happenings to your boi so far. Yes o, I went to naija!!!...mehn, i didnt feel like coming back. Naija dey bubble anyhow mehn.

Na wah for naija police O, those people will never change. Not like I was expecting them to sha. Imagine, I was going to see my aunt at Ikeja one day like that before xmas. I remember I have driven through that road before, so I knew the kind it was, and as a precaution I poked my head out of the window to be sure there wasn't any sign to warn me of danger. I just drove on into the street. Immediately, 2 rag tag olopa jumped out of a paraga kiosk by the side of the road, Park!, park!. I am like, sh*t, these idiots don set me up. They had declared that road 1-way for that day. But no wahala, no be NPF?...na money go end am, and as a returnee jand guy my pocket was well laced with the cool stuff (I am still paying up all my igbese now sha). One of them comes over, asks for my driver's license. I hand it over. He then walks back to another unfortunate guy like me on the other side of the road.Dude was bargaining..I was seeing $1 bills. Damn, the police man knew the exchange rate for dollar as of that day, and was doing his bargaining as per exchange rate. After cleaning out the guy he flagged him on and came for me.
"Oya go turn, if you like make you run"...I did as he said, turned and came back
Inside me I was just fuming, when will naija police rise above this BS.
"ya particulars my fren"
I hand over the particulars. "Ah!, offence nomba 2, expired papers, oya enter moto, straight to station"

Ok, I was driving a friend's car, so I didnt even know the state the papers were in and I didnt couldn't begin to check papers, it would look like "no be you get moto?, abi u thief am ni" when the popo called them expired(I found out later that all the papers where valid and up to date,that olopa was bent on getting that kishi).

As we drove on, I just told him, look here oga, wetin u want?....I no get time to burn, just tell me wetin u want". He told me my offense was too big for him to even begin to think of anything to ask me (I kill person?), he then began to read out the offenses and the cost, Driving on a one way road-25000 naira, Psychiatric analysis-8000 naira...I am like psychiatric analysis ke?..I rezembu crase?
"Oga tell me how much U go pay because if we enter station you know how much sha"
"Ok I go give you 1000, na the only money wey dey my hand, and na my aunty i bin wan go give" I pleaded with him.
"1000!!!!, God forbid!! lailai!!.big boy wey get moto like you..see that other man wey I catch, im own na small offense, and u see how much wey im pay, oga 1000 no go reach, better talk beta we don dey near station O"
I was thinking, which kain eff up be this, and we were right at the gates of Ikeja Police station.
"Ok OC, I go give you £5 extra"

The twinkle in the fools eyes would have lit the whole of the christmas lights on Union Street. "Oya where the money...U go turn now go back go pass the one way, I go escort you so dem no go stop you again" I skillfully dipped my hand in my back pocket and carefully brought a 1000 naira note, taking care that the rest of the money didn't fall out with it (I had like 30K in that pocket), and gave it to him.
"Oya what of the paun?"
I had a £5 scottish in my wallet, no aboki will change that sh*t for him, even if they do, na rubbish changing dem go do for am, he might not get more than 200 naira for it. I gave it to the thief.
"How much be this if i change am?"...I told him 2500....dude was grinning from ear to ear, im don hammer today. I now began to taunt him, i knew the money wont let him get angry...
"shebi u go go house now give madam like 1k5, tell am make e go buy bokoto and abodi, make him cook you better egusi, say u the man of the house don go hunt kill elephant abi"
"No o, we dey give DPO 1500 return everyday....na small thing go touch me"
I am like damn, police station now na NURTW office, where DPO na chairman dey collect owo booking. Na wah o. All this time we had gone back on that same 1 way road, and my olopa had his head out of the window waving to the others who wanted to stop me, telling them I was a correct guy.

I almost succumbed to the temptation to slam the brakes and let him fly out of the window.....As he came down, I left him with a parting shot "for your mind you don hammer abi" Dude just looked at me, smiled and proceeded immediately to flag down the next prey, the day at the office had been nice for him.

To be continued.......

Another Blast From The Past

2007-12-08T11:47:00.000Z

The post I am quoting below was the my first ever blogpost, ever. It was like my memoir when I landed in Britain, I am bringing it back to commemorate the achievement of my reason here (Pictures will come in a future post). I hope it makes good reading sha. And may I add, this is going to be my last "blast from the past". Eshe adupe.

My Scottish Memoir

I have spent two weeks in Aberdeen already and I think I qualify to be called an Aberdonian now. The difference between here and where I come from is as obvious as Michael Jackson being black (lol!). My first encounter was with the cold, jeez my nose is still wet 14 days after I hit the ground, though am progressively shedding my thick layer of mostly woollen materials, I have to wear upto 4 at a time atimes, the fear of freezing to death having forced me to research the Eskimo manuals. I hear I should start learning to leave my head open, I mean without the warmer...Ok I hear, they say winter will really bring the African out of me. Alarmists oshi................I sure wont get iced and get shipped back home in a container......tufia.......na my leg I take land and na that same leg I go take kawa (this time wrapped in very nice Oxford brogues!!!...yep).

Now to the Aberdonians themselves....these people can drink o!!!!!!!They wake up drunk, go to work drunk, and end up in bed drunk, the fish is feeling threatened already. Drinking is a national religion in Scotland, if you don't drink surely you will end up in hell!

A father's 16th birthday gift to his anxious son is a pack of carmel...........yes cigarette...they start smoking from infancy so that by the time they are like 30 they must have won several gold medals in smoking for Scotland..how nice, I even heard a gist of a guy getting brushed because he replied some urchins who begged him for a spare fag by saying he doesn't smoke...oh so since u don't smoke then you don't deserve to have a smooth face.

Scottish girls are hot!...most of them sha, because I have seen some very worwor breed. This girls have some of the best bosoms I have seen since I started using glasses.......geez even grandmothers have eye popping cleavage here....don't get me wrong, am just saying. And the thing is there is so much sex going on here and they are loving it..wow. They throng the clubs and the pubs in search of men...especially black dudes....have you heard of this?”when you go black, you can't go back”...so you see.......

As at the time of typing this schools have closed (they close 12:45 on Fridays)so they can get a head start at preparing for the clubs tonight, their parents will join them later, Friday nights are uber rowdy, drinking, gbenshing, and a whole lot of noise...wow, police work triple time weekends, the drinking going on till Sunday night when half of the city would have passed out, if God wants to save them by finding only 10 sober men I tell you Sodom and Gomorrah will stand a better chance at redemption.

For now i think that's it....until maybe stuff happens to me and i need to do a second memoir

I can't trust any white girl jare.

2007-12-07T11:55:00.000Z

Before

After
This is sure becoming a worrisome issue ke. You can't even see a white babe and be sure it is the same girl you saw yesterday. The speed of transformation these days is dumbfounding. Its either hair colour has changed, or she has gone from an "orobo" to a disgusting lepa, or she has gone from a babe with mosquito bites on her chest to a manchester United. This is the story of Gemma Atkinson. The 23 year old went from a zero-DD
to a 34DD ...surgery.
Not like I don't like the big tits, its just that it makes it necessary to always do a background check, this babe could have been a guy some time in the past. Even is she is now like a hawt commodity, the fact that she (he) was once male will automatically begin to make one believe he is a closet homo.....wareva sha.

The Mohammed Teddy Bears

2007-11-30T09:04:00.000Z

This week threw up this very interesting matter. A British teacher in Sudan is arrested, charged and jailed. Her crime?..Allowing her students to name their teddies Mohammed as part of a class project. In the west this will elicit laughter, many will call it a joke, some will say it's damn too primitive to even begin with(see Archbishop of Canterbury's comment in this article. But what I am about to stress here is the vindictiveness of muslims (Sudanese muslims in this case) and the hypocrisy of Britain.

Most muslims of Arab extract are zealots, and will go to any length to show their love for Allah and Mohammed. This, in my opinion, was why 23 members of that class decided Mohammed was the cutest name for their teddies, since to them it will bring the prophet even closer and show their family and friends that they are true budding muslims. Ok this backfired, Islam forbids any physical representation of things it terms sacred.

But why blame the poor innocent teacher?....she isnt muslim, and assuming she refused to allow them to adopt the name Mohammed, who knows, she might have been guilty of the crime of trying to convert the kids to another religion. Abi, those people are capable of anything, anything just to go on rampage. The punishment for the crime she was charged for carries a maximum penalty of 6 months and 40 strokes of the cane, but our Sudanese brothers were reported to have mounted a campaign around town asking for capital punishment!

Ok, lets look at Britain's involvement. Bl'y hypocrites. Now they want Sudan to release the woman from jail. They want Sudan to circumvent their law just to please a former colonial master. Preposterous I say. Tell me, would the UK have even entertained dialogue in the first place, if a Sudanese, or any other foreigner broke laid down British laws?...No way, they don't care if he speaks English or not, he will be charged and jailed accordingly in a British prison. Most likely he will get deported even if he was a legal resident at the time of committing the crime. I wonder why the west believes that their citizens can do stuff and get away with it, while citizens of the rest of the world must face the full wrath of their own system.

I commend Sudan for showing courage and upholding their sovereignty, I think the rest of the developing world should emulate this. On the other hand, i think they should grow up, this particular case made sense to them and them alone. If they want to show the world that they can do and undo to show love to Mohammed, then i think the kids who did the naming in the first place should all be rounded up and made to appear before a sharia juvenile court(if that exists), and made to bear responsibility for their mal-applied love for Mohammed by receiving the commensurate number of lashes of the bulala. At least if you spare the rod you spoil the child goes the saying.

Ekwi....You almost lost me yesterday....

2007-11-29T20:50:00.000Z

I froze for about two seconds. That was my mum on the phone today.
The last 2 weeks have been shitty for me, and it would have been to much, too unfair for my mind to bear if the story i am about to tell ended differently. I was this close to becoming a young man without a mother yesterday.

She told me she wanted to pick something from the cabinet in the kitchen and had lost her footing and landed on the back of her head. God!, I was just lucky she made that feeble noise before she pássed out and began to struggle for life. She called out to my younger brother, God just ordained it that I won´t have to cry over her, not just yet, my younger bro is a budding musician who always has the headphone over his ears while mixing his wannabe music. But on this day, he wasn`t in the mood. He screamed for my sister and my dad(who luckily was around this particular day,very lucky). They had to place her on observation for 24hrs. The doctors said if she hadn´t got help as soon as she did, the story would have been different.

What would we have said? Now I know God loves me so much, even with my obvious shortcomings....Imagine, my sister is getting married in about 23 days time...what would have happened?
Mummy, biko, you need to see your grand kids..and you know how much we love you..please...I know God won´t let me cry over you...not just yet.

Thank you for letting me share this with you.

Blast From The Past

2007-11-22T12:42:00.000Z

Ok...this is another blast from the past..so many of the scenarios in this post have changed sha, but I read them again and crack myself to pieces.....

What Am I Playing With

I remember growing up and all my wahala of always entering the kitchen to disturb mumsie "ebi nkpa mi o, ebi nkpa mi o"...I was always hungry and now I wonder why...anyway I eventually got banned from the kitchen before i got myself pounded along with the yam. Now i cant even stand the sight of a kitchen which means I hate cooking...not like i can't cook...at least your regular make eba, custard, boil rice and its various variants of concussing jolof....I can make stew too...but I hate the idea staying in a kitchen for the purpose of cooking, maybe eating...that I can manage....but now its becoming a problem for me...i am starring obesity in the face...not that am fat..no...infact I am one of the slimest brovas you will ever come across...what I have is what my guys in Uniben wayback call "internal grabbing".......but I have been told I have the tendency to blow up (I like the sound of that...blow troway).

What I eat now,...I just noticed, in tha last 2 weeks has been a combination of assorted junk food, very different from my regular fix of fufu, obe egusi and better ogunfe meat (I miss naija*wipes tear like liquid from eyes*). My daily meal is now something like this....breakfast, if I have any, a vistit to Burger King for French fries, hamburger, and milk shake....which kain yeye food be that?....but I no get option...as I leave this keyboard now...i will have to run downstairs and satisfy the craving.......I dey take jedi-jedi play...walahi.....I need a wife or somebody close to that definitaion and sharp sharp too.....or else...uhm..God forbid...and this one wey I no dey do sport again so...............

So that we can stay behind.....

2007-11-14T21:16:00.000Z

Ok, finally wrapped up the master's degree program....yes..thanks for the congratulations, I appreciate. But the kernel of my rant today isnt even that. The student visa is on the verge of expiring, but thank God they have schemes that allow us to stay back(this didn't feel well at all)...so Omoibadan is going to seize one of them. Out here you can stay behind for 2 years and work...and even that isnt still the crux of my matter. The problem I have with this ish is the amount they are asking for that visa....£600..150000 naira!!!, these are the same assholes who forbade us to work more than 20 hours a week. Bl'y dweebs, to work, they wont, all claiming one kind of disability or the other, living off the sweat of poor hustlers like me and my exiled brethren, Koni ragaba fun wan lai!!!!!. No be them fault, shebi na the fear of NEPA, LASMA, Police, Yellow fever, council, Area boys,1 chance, Armed robber, and Molue dey make us no wan go back our own country. Thats about it sha...I feel better already, I have cussed them out to my soul's delight, i can now go and pay them the money and leave the place rolling my eyes at them.

ok, on a lighter note...P Square have done it again, the new album, "Game over" is out and hot like fire...lemme give u a taste of it sef.

"How Tall Are U"

2007-11-07T09:21:00.000Z

I used to have this blog, I dumped it for reasons I can't place a finger On...I went back there 2day, and I decided to move this particular post here. Still cracks me up why I wrote it sha.....ok here we go

Question I have had to answer twice nay thrice this past week from some ladies who have never seen me before. It really gets me irked when all they can ask is this. Are our ladies this vain? that they are not even bothered about wanting to know what prospects you posses, if they can find happiness with you, if they can make babies with you...all they are interested in is "my boo is a hunk"..Jesu!!!!!who will wake these umu nwanyi from their seemingly terminal slumber.

Am I beefing because I am not tall, that am not a hunk, that I don't look good? no! far from it...at 5ft 10" I think am tall enough to sweep a girl off her feet, be a husband to a woman, and be a father to a child. My question is this, did their mother ever hassle their 5ft 2" father that he has to be John Gulliver or no dice? no she didn't, the noble woman took him in her arms and feed his children from the milkiness of her bossom..same bossom she let him retire to at night. If she had displayed the same vanity her sires now dance to town with where would they be today? who knows, maybe somewhere in the upper heavens singing celestial hallelujahs.

This explains the benumbing level of decadence in the marriage institution today, where people get married and tear the papers to shreds less than a year after the coke bottle shaped damsel took the hunk from Venice as husband. She married him because he was a 9ft Goliath with shoulders as broad as the Bridge of Don. He ended up taking her happiness away from her...and the poor "dwarf" she ishoed ,until he bled, is at the home he latter found getting steady obeisance from the wise beauty who had the foresight to know that beauty is a passing phase. Its not beef, wise ones will see my wisdom, but the uncircumcised will say "na because one girl say e too short".......are you uncircumcised too?...and sorry no girl said am short....my woman adores me....my 5 ft 10" and all.

Next time this question comes......"how tall are you?....my answer will be this simple "how tall is your father?"....I am sure that will put an end to the runs...but I must have made my point.

I Remember Jaludo.

2007-10-06T09:51:00.000Z

"Chukwunna!!!!" screamed my mum
"Who on God's green earth did this to you?, even your father won't beat you this way"
There I was, wearing a shirt that was white coloured when I left home in the morning but now looked a shade more like camel dung, I had lacerations round my neck and all kinds of marks on my arms.
No, I wasn't attacked, I wasn't beaten by anyone, no, infact I didnt feel hurt. I was involved in a usual belt fight with my friend Kehinde Adesina. He probably was at home that moment too getting the "Olorun mi O" treatment from his mum.

We met in Loyola College, Ibadan. He was a strong, powerfully built dude, who had lived almost all of his life in boarding house, right from kindergarten. He had a twin sister who was as tame as a squirrel, nothing like this hyper-active guy. We naturally became friends because we shared some common interests, pranks, rough play, in short the entire gamut of mischief. People agreed we were strange, that no one else could do the kind of things we do for sport.

He loved keeping pets, he had all manners of them, from rabbits, to pigeons, to dogs. He had some house rats as pets, dug a hole in his window and put them in there. They knew exactly when breakfast and lunch was, poking their tiny heads out and sniffing for cornflakes. Geez, I thot this was cute, but the closest I got to doing that was getting some tadpoles in a plastic container. The ungrateful leapers left me high and dry when they all grew legs and lept to freedom, I was so heart broken, I thought they were fish all the time. Awon okpolo oshi!. I remember a time he roasted his full collection of guppy fish, about 100 of them tiny swimmers. Told me he was so hungry and he couldn't think of another way of bringing variety to his garri. I am sure I laughed till I cried.

My dude was good at most things, he was the fastest note writer I ever knew in all my six years of secondary school, he never missed a beat during note dictation, he could finish writing every note given in a term overnight. Made so much money helping guys meet the note marking sessions that came from time to time. He had just one problem- most times even he couldn't read what he has written.
"Henry, jo kini mo ko sibi?"(meaning "Henry what have I written here"?). My answers were always duh...did I write it?, how do u expect me to know. But he knew i will always find a way round it, I logically piece the answer anyway, so he always relied on me for the eventual hook up.
He was a good farmer, his father raised him on the farm, even though we lived in the city, every weekend saw him on the family farm, tilling and clearing bush. I remember we used to drop 50kobo each, sit back and watch him decimate our portions of elephant grass during manual labour.

He had his dangerous side, in fact he was normally dangerous. I wonder how I felt safe around him, most people didn't. I remember when he told me he accidentally killed someone in primary school, many would have began to avoid him afterwards, but I didn't.I believed it was an accident, he was too young to have done it on purpose. But then, he was dangerous. He got his JALUDO (meaning "Rushing headlong into the river")nickname when one day during break time football he ran into a coconut tree just because he was determined to take both the ball and the dude who had it at his feet straight into throw-in. I can't remember how many stitches he got from that accident, took us the whole afternoon to stop the blood.

I also remember the incident of him wanting us to help him get back at his girlfriend. Lawdy!!! that case was one hilarious one. We hatched the plan of getting werepe (devil beans), tie a rope round it, hang it on the ceiling directly below where she sits during extra mural classes(U know those things we call "lesson" in those days now, girl was from a girls' school by the way), then shake it open at a given time. The girl would have scratched herself naked if we had succeeded. She didn't show up on this day. Instead, the next day at school we suffered the karma. Dude mistakenly spilled the dangerous substance on himself, and being the Jaludo he was, he calmly kept his cool, and happily sprinkled good measures, shaken down, and spilling over on the laps of those of us sitting on the same row with him in class that day. How he did it, I can't say till this day, but all I can say is we were a sight to behold as we all raced out of the class towards the school kitchen with our school shuts hanging on window ledges, tree branches and everywhere. We needed to get to the nearest supply of palm oil ASAP. Thank God it was a boys school, but people still got a good laugh out of us as we had to cross the Lawn in the middle of the school to get help. It didn't end there, we got nice strokes of cane after the school discovered we knew about the werepe.

I won't lie, dude made secondary school fun, and we all looked forward to getting into Uni together, but damn, Death struck before we could, I couldn't cry when I heard the news. Jaludo got electrocuted, taking his tutor who tried to rescue him along. So ended the very fun filled and hopeful life of my partner in crime, and good friend, Jaludo.

The world we live in

2007-09-11T07:33:00.000Z

That Tuesday
I remember today...same day... 6 years ago when the WTC was attacked, honestly the WTC wasn't anywhere in my consciousness, but that attack brought all of us back to reality.
6 years after, and I visited the scene, i almost cried when I saw the scroll that had the names of the dead, almost 3000 perishing without knowing why. Felt sad, i didnt know if i should fear or hate Mr. Bin Laden, but then life had to go on and indeed it would. I still remember the pictures of people jumping, I remember the falling man...I remember so much that I cringe...well..we live on.

Madeline
This case is sure going to be a tragedy of unimaginable proportions, the biggest scandal of 2007, either way it goes, some people and some institutions will never be the same again. It will leave mouths agape, change the face of parenting for ever...and ever..if it turns out that really Madeline's parents had a hand in her disappearance. From Brooklyn to Ajegunle, everyone has being praying for her safe return, but this new twist introduced by the Portuguese police has changed all of that. For the police of a nation to stake its credibility on 2 individuals, ok make that 3, then they must have proof...cos if it turns out they were just hypothesizing, or were trying to set the McCains up, then they should be prepared for the consequences from the rest of the world.

The Nottinghill carnival

2007-09-05T08:20:00.000Z

Ok...I have been away for a cool while...not my fault, what has to be done has to be done, but I am not back just yet sha.
Yeah, i was at the Nothing hill carnival last week, I had expectations of having mad naija fun and all that....but alas, the Naija corner had been closed!..Someone said it was because the organizers felt we were a security risk, that we all congregate at a point and have fun like we had no worries in mind.

To say that all the Nigerians around, including D1 and keke Ogungbe, weren't pissed will be an understatement. But we still in our Naijaness "congregated" around the Obalende suya and the AIT stands to manage the much fun we could muster.

Now my problem is this, how come the Nigerian corner was closed and the Jamaican corner was left alone?...I can't even begin to describe the amount of commotion those people caused that Monday evening...Mayhem!! they were just running all over the place like headless chickens, stabbing, shooting(as I heard), and getting arrested, but still their corner was heating up with mad fun. To say the Caribbeans were lunatic on that day will be like saying Goliath is a giant, stale gist. For me, i am done with going to that carnival, and if I had my way naija will never participate again. Nuff said.

To Other News
Plantashun boiz are out with an album. To me this track i am giving u a full lick of is like the shizznit...world class beats, world class arrangement, world class vocals...jeez...i hope the video will be hot sha, I just do.

Oyibo women sha...

2007-08-08T21:58:00.000Z

Sometimes I wonder if they have men here. The way their women ravage anything black and willing, e dey fear me sha, to dey we are sex objects(not like i won't like to be one anyway). If you enter club na die, 60 year old mama go dey follow underaged wey sneak enter club dey drag you, you as Omo boy go dey there dey feel like Taye Diggs. It isnt like the mama no set, forget oyibo women, even in old age they can make a young man commit. But I for one will never stoop as high as an arugbo sha, make pesin no go wilt before im time, ayonge till the bitter end:D(we need blog smilies jare..:o)
Like yesterday now, i was just bouncing down from the library O...I was wearing a tee-shirt and jain, just at the bus stop close to my bunk, I ran into this woman, her love handles would have shamed Monique 10 times over, and to believe she had the guts to wear jumper.
Well that wasnt my biz sha, i would have just walked past without looking her way once. But she looked at me, looked down, looked at me again and smiled and looked down again. I smiled back, but she was still looking down.
That got me started....I followed her eyes and it led straight to the bulge in front of my trouser!!!!Oloshi, so that was what was making her smile that yeye sheepish smile....really, not like I was thinking anything evil, I was at total rest, I mean total, absolute, unadulterated innocent pikin of God rest. I wonder what was running thru her mind....shebi she just dey see mandingo dey loiter in front of am....na wah sha, make God save oyibo women.

Music.
Ok I haven't given U my people music lately, well this lady is like the hottest thing in the UK presently, reminds you of Lily Allen.

Happy Birthday Folu...

2007-08-05T21:02:00.000Z

Yeah...lemme steal your method...and yes I am using your real name (sue me..). I wish you all the good things you have always wished and hoped for, all those things shiny and scintillating(your word...a QC babe for that matter, omo rapala on code)

Though you have shown you love getting in a fight with me whenever u see me in a tiff wit any of ur girls, but hey I have grown to understand u the way u are...that makes u uber special.

So have all the fun today holds...and face the next year with renewed vigor..awon da!!!..eat the cake and chocolate and ice-cream jare, size zero is now out of fashion...e jeki ama tobi kama robo si is the new anthem they are singing in Paris, London and New York.

So there you are girl....have a ball..you still remain one of my favorite strangers.

How Do you feel about this?

2007-08-02T10:49:00.000Z

Watch from 0:17
A crime or harmless fun?

Re: Yahoo Yahoo

2007-07-31T07:48:00.000Z

This blog is as a fallout of chxta's blog entry on the issue

I am personally still finding it hard to understand where some so called articulate Nigerians living in the west are coming from. Is it that we should ignore the fact that this crime of yahoo is being perpetrated by less than 2% of the Nigerian population, or we should ignore the fact that the dudes that get duped should be held responsible for their actions too?. Or are we just content with coming on the Internet to condemn this crime so that whichever government agency that is snooping can write our names in their good books?..what purpose does it serve if we continue to champion the quest of self-destruction?.....

I keep saying this, let Naija thru the EFCC tackle the problem from within and let the Americans tackle the problem from their own end. Have we bothered to take a little time and ponder....how come Americans are the biggest victims?...The US dollar isn't in the top 5 strongest currencies in the world, so we won't say they are specifically the targets and, mind you, email addresses don't show which country the destination is, but still Americans are the worst hit.

What does that tell us?....even with the prosperity of America that is so famous they still seem to be some of the greediest people alive. if the victims who directly or indirectly make this Yahoo Yahoo epidemic flourish are not addressed, I am sorry, there is little or nothing anyone can do to kill the Internet crime, the anonymity of the Internet being its own biggest issue.

I wont even sweat it if anyone feels I am being too Patriotic..yes I am...and I am proud of that, even our American friends wont deny their patriotism....I won't because I now live in the west begin to feel a white man is superior...no, yahoo yahoo has shown us they are just some points above being officially called retards....thats my take on that. Ka chukwu gozie anyi neene.

Greatest Uniben !!!!!! Pt 2

2007-07-29T22:22:00.000Z

"O'l boy, we fit see sharp sharp?" the dude standing above me in denim shirt and jeans, obviously drunk but looking terribly mean, asked.
The guy had called me by my first name, I had never seen him in my life before then, and I thought he was one of those people who have come to know me in the gbogbo ero lecture theater because of my association with the yoruba boys.

Ok this was what happened. Me and Otas,thats the hawt Bini babe who(I still can't explain till this day how i managed to pull that off)I just started to date a few days after matriculation, had a minor tiff earlier in the day. I went to her room, and her roommates who were in higher levels took it upon themselves to make me feel uncomfortable. They were wondering why anyone would date a jambite, and yours sincerely was a starry eyed second stage jambite straight of the polytechnic. She got me angry by joining them in the laughter, though she didn't do it to spite me.

Ok, away from the digression, we were sitting at the "love gutter"...the hottest lovers' hangout in Uniben, yes a real massive stretch of drainage that ran the length of the halls of residence, we would rather seat there, eat suya, and do all those things that lovers do, than hangout at any of the real spots. The fear of cult boys was the beginning of wisdom.

So the dude called me aside. He began by asking me if I knew who he was....well I didn't know him, but he didn't wait for me to reply
"Na as I be for afternoon, na im I be for nite, but for nite eh...the the things wey I fit do go make you shit for ya paynt"...I am like Okpari, inside my mind i was already remembering what my father told me before I came...."Uniben is dangerous, don't move about at night"
Dude continues, "who be the babe?".......Omo I denied sharp sharp, replied him she was my classmate.
"na your classmate abi na your babe?".....dude obviously had all the info, he just wanted me to talk.
"Anyway, i just wan tell you say she don marry, make you stay away from am"...I was shivering inside, a year 1 guy facing molestation like he had being warned he would, for the first time in a notorious school.

I tried to pluck some courage from where I had none....I placed a hand on the guys shoulder to make him feel I wasn't afraid and had everything under control. He didn't like this one bit...the look he shot me was like he had bullets in there...no one told me...I didn't even move the hand....it auto-moved.I muttered "bros no vex" under my breath.

This was just the beginning of my ordeal.....because the next person that came along was dressed in black/black, had his cap placed on his head like an "oshuka" and was tall and black like the night. I was about to meet Lucifer himself......

To be continued.

Music.
You remember them?

Greatest Uniben!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-07-23T21:16:00.000Z

With the six bending statues welcoming you at the gate you immediately know this isnt going to be a roller coaster at all. Those statues tell the tale of the priceless woe you just with ur own legs gleefully bounced into, that is a story for another day. Welcome to Uniben.

Ok..yes I hear you..you went to OAU, and you went to Unilag...and so?....I am talking about uniben here not a university, ok its a university but stuff that happens in this utopia are already urban legend.

Ok, I am have written jamb, I have chosen Uniben, the name sounded funky to me. Truly I didnt have any further info more than the fact that you pass in front of the gate on your way to Ubulu-unor. What is Ubulu-unor?..lmao..so you don't know Ubulu-unor? who doesnt?...ok thats my village, sue me.

My first inkling that I was stepping into gang-land came when I read The Guardian newspaper one day, and they said for every two students of uniben, one is a cultist. Okpari...shebi I for just go OSU, or OSUA, or any of those other Unis that had just girls, and it was too late turn back..ok o..Uniben here I come.

I was barely 4 weeks old in there when they began to show me skills. Ok, as a fine boy concerned (don't blame me, blame the falling lizard adage), I got snapped up by one of the cutest jambites around after I had charmed her with my gentleman moves in chemistry lab. Little did i know I was on my way to war!...war with the black axe confraternity........

To be continued.......
But I can't leave without leaving u with some music....U gat to stay rugged to survive Unibending...trust me....ya know

Rugged Man Ft 9ice

I Miss Naija....

2007-07-22T15:43:00.000Z

I woke up today bathed in so much emotions...i don't know where that came from. The urge to pick the phone and call all my folks one after the other in naija was overwhelming I had to pick my album and wallow in the beauty of all their individual faces.If i was the downright emotional one i would have cried today, in fact today was one of those days I begged for the luxury of a tear, but it never came.

I want to go home.

But then, I can't go yet, my mission here is far from over. And even when that is done I still don't want to return yet. I need to conquer this land for the sake of my people, my family, me, just like the Indians and the Pakis are doing. We need to dip our fingers into the wealth of this nation.

I still miss home.

The food, the noise(that will be a shock to adapt to later), the people, TV....naija is just some very different arrangement...I wonder how i will feel when i see a molue again, or a danfo, how i will feel if i sit inside one (after extensive travel on the underground and the subway)...i wonder the joy i will feel when i step into my favourite buka again and order my wraps of fufu with egusi soup...chei. I don't want to touch another piece of hambuger again, or a pack of french fries, I want to taste palmwine again...not Pina colada...palmy.

I miss my boiz.

Paskillo, Colinzo, BJ, Boomer, Texazzpete.....all of my boys, my real boys, not Nicky, or Jim, or Maurice. I want to hang out at the galleria again with Ik, Alex, Bubus....the usual people. I miss the gists at more road after work...when dudes come from outside town on business and we have to hang-out till late, watch the champions league with bottles of malta guiness, Guilder, and gordon sparks getting canceled with every good move. I miss the slaughter slab(lol!!)....urrg...that room!.

Well i guess i have to make do with the phone, and the Internet....but I know all of that won't make up for my family, my Mom, her food, my siblings, our reunions...but hey...its life...I got to wean myself of those luxuries...but then...I miss Naija.

Sound Sultan will have to cap this up for me with Ajo odabile.

This Is About facebbook

2007-07-20T14:08:00.000Z

I am sure almost everybody is on facebook, its like the latest fashion accessory. When Mark Zuckerberg
another Harvard dropout started the project in his dorm room little did he know it was going to blow up the way it has, Even the CIA has gotten interests in it(watch this video).

Well, I joined the bandwagon too, left my Hi5 account like it had some disease and i must tell you the facebook experience is another form of e-crack apart from bulletin boards.

The kind of stuff that happens on there sometimes makes you wonder why man seeks to always find extra wahala for himself. Like the everyday hassles from human relationships offline isn't enuff we still add problems from 1s and 0s to it.
Not a few relationships have become sour just becus of happenings out there....yeah that is stale gist but you haven't heard it my way.

I remember a certain user that added me to his fiends list, turns out later this dude was the CEO of one of the biggest record labels in naija. He used one totally hawt lady as his profile pic, and as a single naija guy I went head long into showering compliments. Dude obviously didn't get where I was heading as he kept telling me "I will pass your message to her, thank you". I was like, chei see humility. I can't remember what I said one day, looked like guy woke up with a start, "Man, thats my wife there!". I don't think I have been that embarrassed in all of my life. See me apologizing like someone police just nabbed while smoking in Trafalgar square.

There is the incidence of the honesty box. I just installed the application O, just to get 1 or 2 anonymous comments from friends....but I decided to try it out first, I made comments in all of my friends who had the app installed own boxes. I called one in particular "Snobbish" just for her to come on MSN later and howl at me "You could have at least said it to my face", I am dead, i didn't know when I asked her "shebi they said its anonymous", I wonder how many more of those people know i was the one who made those candid comments in their box. I sha quickly uninstalled the devilish box before it turns to another thing.

It isn't all baddies for facebook sha, some old friends from secondary school have managed to locate me after all these years, and i have also been fortunate to see pics that have put a face to the names of certain ids and bloggers. But looks like i am going to disable my account, after watching that video, because its obvious the government is watching us from across the WALL.

My Music
Collie Buddz, thats the hottest gentleman in reggae today. I have put his latest album on repeat for about a week now. Listen to this track, Another day. If you like it, you can holla so that I hook you up with the full album. Wont that be some great awoof?

I Got Deported....

2007-07-18T19:18:00.000Z

Chill....no "eyah"s and "what happend"s yet...I am just simulating what the title of my thread on my online community forum will look like after I have finished bashing Lenny's face in. Dude is testing my last nerve and I have a feeling I can't keep my cool any longer.

Who is Lenny?...Some Scottish jaguda like that who is deputizing as my manager at work. Since Jenny (I wonder why all of them have names like this), my 60 year old manager, went on vacation with her 45 year old boyfriend(she calls him partner, kosarugbo ngana)Lenny has decided that he is going to make life difficult for me.

I was appointed supervisor like a week before Jenny left, and I was doing a good job learning fast, coordinating my staff of 3, which includes a 20 year old giant David from Poland.

I was enjoying the job well well, dishing out assignments and checking that everything was in shape and getting paid higher than them for doing nothing.Enter Lenny, he looks at the time book, sees my name as supervisor, looks at me,calls my name and laffs. I am like abi warey ni bobo yi ni?....since then,nothing I do is up to company standard, one of my staff comes late, Lenny will say he will call in the MD and that I will face disciplinary action(I will be like "na me come late?"), he sends down cover for a staff who calls in sick its my fault, someone signs where he is supposed to write his name he says i don't know my job, a gull shytes on someones head outside Lenny assumes I know about the bird's move. Na wah O...i tire for this dodoyo sha. This isn't racism, but pure persecution!

I wonder how it will feel if I give whitey ajibu?...lift him sky high, spin him a couple of times, show him to his people for the last time and slam him into the wooden floor....uhm...would be triumph over imperialism....get my pound of flesh for what they did during slavery, I am sure my grandfather will roll in his grave and say he knew his son would give birth to a son who will make him proud as he himself no de gba crap. I will just tell them not to waste their minutes to call olokpa,they will need it to call the NHS, I will call police myself that i just wounded one of their kind. I won't forget to put one last fist in his face for what Chile did to the flying eagles, at least let me blame him for something too.WTF!!!

Jenny better come back this week, else this blog will be coming live from Lagos, and I no send, when I tire to dey stroll pass ojuelegba I go enter plane again head for Atlanta.....nonsense.

But hey lemme leave you with this solid gbedu from 9ice....I don't do what he is singing about but i just love the beats.

Ganja man

Ok....I will be back

2007-06-27T09:10:00.000Z

In a bit....so many things have being happening that have kept me away this long, since March!!!!...lawd have morsey!!!!.....i got stunned back to reality when Omosewa suddenly said update your blog Mr., suddenly i realized I have a blog...wow!!!....I wonder how many people have given up on me wondering what the heck i think I was jabbering about, simple blog updates u can't give, simple?
Anyways good peoples, i will be back in full swing in due course, this acada won't prevail...gats to earn the Masters degree....and earn ur readership too..in tandem.

Sexual Harrasment: My Experience

2007-03-25T10:54:00.000Z

When stuff like this is spoken of, when I read about them in the papers, or just watch TV and that topic is being broached, I never ever imagine that one day I will be at the receiving end.....and worse still from someone of the same sex. This is just crazy.
I was coming back from an engagement last Thursday that dragged into the early hours of Friday, I was almost at my apartment when an elderly looking man who looked drunk called out to me from the other side of the road. I stopped and waited for him to crossover. Dude offers a handshake which I accept like any other man will do to another man. But that handshake just didn't feel right, the manner and firmness of the touch was somehow, but being a tyro in issues of this nature I felt it was the liquor strengthening the man's rheumatism ravaged bones.
He began by asking me which country I was from, I answered him....he was like "oh...I know many people from Naijgiria", I smiled, happy that my country with all our yawa could bring a smile to a foreigner's face. Little did I know his smile was that of "I don jam anu nchi". I wonder what our naija guys have been up to in this land.
He went ahead and asked if I was married, I replied no, next thing he did was to begin pushing me into a dark corner just by where we stood saying "would anything be ok for you". Chei.....annoyance swelled inside me, na me this faggot dey take do this one. My first reaction was to forget a fist in his face, but I knew instinctively that that would killed him instantly, because my adrenalin was pumping hyper and I was beginning to feel serious heat even under the chilly cold of that morning. I wrestled my hand from his grip and warned him never, ever to try what he just did if he ever came across me again. The idiot was obviously already dying from a massive hard-on....he kept yelling "come back here your f***king arsehole"...I felt like picking my mobile and calling the police, and make this excuse for a man pay for this insult, but again he will be let loose the next day with a warning or something. I just left the scene and walked into my apartment without looking back. I refused to think about it, and I refused to tell anyone until much later the next day when I say the old fool again, coming out of his vehicle somewhere down the street.....nonentity didn't even recognize me...

America Is getting Dumber.

2007-03-16T09:05:00.000Z

A friend of mine recently went for an American visa interview in London so that he could attend a conference in a month's time. He called to tell me he was refused. I asked him why. The interviewer said he didn't show he had historical ties to the UK and so they didn't believe he was going to leave the US afterwards. I was like this is crazy, what kind of historical ties would a Nigerian who has come to study in the UK have.Another dude who will be going for that same conference got the visa without them even looking at his documents,and this guy has vowed not to come back to the UK because he couldn't continue paying his tuition, and my friend has already paid his own tuition in full. I wanted to laugh but the guy wasn't in a good mood, so i just kept it that way. But looking closely at this issue, I think the terrorists who struck on 9/11 have actually won the war against the USA, now the yankees are a paranoid wreck. No, infact they have become dumber, well what do you expect from a country with a clueless president, someone who doesn't even know when to admit a war has been lost, a junkie who keeps sending his compatriots to their deaths in the plains of the Tora Bora and the deserts of Nasariyya. This is laughable..the people they even employ at their foreign missions haven't even got an idea of what they are supposed to be doing, you are supposed to encourage the flow of money into your economy, these dudes going for the conference are going to pay for it with a currency much stronger than the dying dollar.....Kai this yanks are cracking me up....But all this islamists ain't doing Africans, especially Nigerians any favour sha...they should chill out jare and let awon boiz have unfettered mobility.

Writer's Block...

2007-03-14T19:10:00.000Z

I have suffered a relapse...must be the withdrawal syndrome.....but omo boy will be back in full effex as soon as my Doctors can cure me.....so keep on supporting Eyinmba FC.

Have I Got Hope?

2007-03-11T07:39:00.000Z

Now today my softer side is posting, nice...shows I am still flesh,blood, and a whole lot of soul. Ok...this is my dilema, I have always felt affection for a certain pretty blogger, but i kept it all bottled up inside me for reasons that border on the unknown. How do i know this blogger has got me?......I hear her talk and my heart palpitates, I see her and I have to dig in extra to remain normal.Have you found yourself in that situation where U have like a whole scroll of things to say, but you can't find the words?.....I was there..... I even had to become friends with her friends so as to have her as close as possible, but for six 5months I kept it bottled inside me, you need to listen to this lady laugh, you will be surprised, how can a babe like this have such a hearty laughter, nah...she must understand what life is then.....live it...its not too long.And one more thing, she can cook up a storm!!!!!...dont ask me how i know all that.
Well, I eventually got the guts to let her into my thoughts....I could sense the surprise, it was like "I wasn't expecting this"....uhmmmm......yeah....stuff like this comes out of the blues...we think......am I making sense right now?.....she said she appreciated me thinking about her in that warm way.....but.....
I hate the word but for many reasons....it is as wicked as the trap door beneath a gallow opening suddenly after a prayer of hope has been said....but......

I Am Back.....

2007-03-10T12:58:00.000Z

Technical problems all the way...but finally I am back...Omoibadan...Omo ire tin je iyan okan abo!!!!
I need to do this quick
1. Happy birthday in arrears to Kemi . I am sorry i couldn't get u what I asked you for the shoe size for...the damn online shop insisted they had to send it to my house. I might never get u to call me honey, but U r one Nigerian I hold close to my heart.
2. Thanks to chxta for all the help in trying to get my shege back online...now its back...and I am going to be kicking even tougher hyper-arse.
3. And to the rest of Blogopia....dude is back...so let the shelling begin.

Calypso Music

2007-02-12T08:37:00.000Z

Have I ever mentioned my love for calypso and soca music?....If I haven't, I am sorry, means I have being depriving you of one of man's greatest musical inventions since the grammophone. It comes with so much humour and feel good lyrics(want to be funny?...listen to calypso)Hip-hop will do itself a massive favour by taking a cue from the masters of the steel bands and the Bacchanal carnivals (note to self:check out what it costs to fly to Trinidad and Tobago). How did I get ensnared in this beautiful musical voyage?...Raypower 100.5 FM, Lagos of course!.when they first came out they where such a beauty to listen to,with Abraham Doe making sure I always wanted to miss church with his calypso and soca music programme on Sunday morning.He introduced me to the greats of this genre, Lord Kitchener(RIP), Arrow, Byron Lee and the Dragonaires, and the greatest of them all Mighty Sparrow.
Mighty Sparrow (real name Dr. Slinger Francisco, D.Litt H.B.M.) took calypso out of the carnival loving Caribbean to the eye of the world, with his soul stirring, inspiring style of calypsoning, he was a calypsonian of great repute. He brought the beauty and sensuality of the women of Trinidad and Tobago to our consciousness(which is why i am headed for one of the carnivals this summer, lagbara oloun). This is an example...I love this particular track, about a man who came for the carnival and refused to leave T and T
Tobago Girl

And this one for sure is X-rated. The Caribbean love the affairs of the bedroom...trust me on that

Dollar Wine Dance

And this one he did when he came to Nigeria for FESTAC 77, he got a chieftancy title of OmoWale of Ikoyi (trust naija now, Jay-Z can attest to that too ;))

Dudu Yemi

So you see wammsayin......so if you want to join in this calypso love....become a calupsonian...holla at your boi, I have got a heap of calypso music we can share...yep!

My Flatmate Wants Us In Trouble

2007-02-09T11:27:00.000Z

How do you explain this? parcels coming to the house, with strange names, and our flatmate signing for them claiming the owner is an ex-occupant who had come in before to tell him he was expecting a parcel. We swallowed that story on 2 occasions, but I was beginning to suspect a scam was using our house as a forwarding address. Now the proverbial "1 day for the owner" came to reality. A big package, likely a printer or some electronic gadget like that came, belonging to a Frank White (anybody remember The Notorious B.I.G?). Our dear friend still came out and spawned the same story again, he signed for it and took the package into the kitchen. I came back from work to find the carton on the kitchen table. I immediately asked if ***** has collected another parcel, yeah he has, it belongs to a former tenant who had come to alert us about a parcel he is waiting for. I moved closer and discovered the package had been opened. I instantly got to the realization that my haunch was indeed real. We instantly decided this dude had to move out before he put the rest of us in deep shyte. We didn't even know when the dude sneaked into the house and took out the carton for disposal, he disposed off some other packages that where used to deliver laptops!this was even deeper than we thought,this dude had been receiving all sorts, from Plasma screen TVs to DVD players!
As at this morning another package has come in, but he has denied this one, but we ain't having any of that, we have called the delivering company, they are coming to retrieve the package by Tuesday, and he will have to leave the apartment by Friday, else we will have to escalate the issue. This money sha...

I Finally Get To See The Video...

2007-02-07T19:48:00.000Z

Very nice climax to that world cup!

Na Die Tonight

2007-02-07T09:55:00.000Z

Ewo!!!!!..tonite is the "Red Light Special"....striptease, bootyshaking contest, and the very exclusive, as the Gabonese girls described it, Red light special show. I love my black egovins, they always come through. You can be very sure OmoIbadan will be there live and direct in full technicolour, only thing that can stop me is if the rapture occurs tonight and you know yours sincerely has a first class ticket to heaven. You want the graphic details?...wait till I come, and that is if I don't get acquired by a willing egovin tonite...lol.

She Is Pregnant!

2007-02-05T20:14:00.001Z

Jeez!!!....how did it happen?...I cant believe this. Who did it?
I just realized one of the hottest Chinese women I have set my eyes on is pregnant!.The last time I saw her I noticed the little bulge on the belly, naive me, I thought it must be overfeeding, or maybe she is growing a small belly, just like all those naija girls after conquering all the Mr.Biggs in the neighbourhood.
This morning she came around my class and I was fantasizing as usual and one of the girls in my class caught me,"You sef, cant you see she is pregnant?"....I froze..."pregnant ke?..who did it?"..this sent them into a fit of laughter.So that belle na belle...yeh, another dude don go do shege put for there, an me I am here planning how I was going to ask her out for some Chinese food at the end of the semester.Chei.
So Dr. Zhao is pregnant, my hot lecturer, so she is pregnant.Feck!

Stop Press: Xenophobic Attacks Coming Soon

2007-02-04T11:38:00.000Z

Take heed of the heading of this post, it as serious as a heart attack, and I suggest that all of us should gear up for it.
Newspaper reports of the past three weeks have been rife with news of Islamic fundamentalist reports coming out of the United Kingdom. First it was the mind numbing accounts of how the terrorist attacks of 27/7 would have been carried out, particulars of the individuals who where supposed to carry out this attacks. This past week has been about the botched plan by Muslim extremists to kidnap and behead a Muslim soldier, serving in the royal armed forces, in Birmingham. He was termed as a "sellout" by the alleged terrorists. Yesterday, one of the papers reported that the Grampian NHS(that is in Aberdeen)has removed Easter as a public holiday for its staff so as not to annoy Muslims. The papers have being going to town with editorials questioning the reason behind the police trying to pacify Muslims and allowing them get away with all manners of crime.They went a step further to call on Britons to arise and oppose Islamic fundamentalism.
All of the above is worrisome. I don't want to imagine a drunk population one Friday beginning an attack on Muslims, who are largely seen as foreigners. I see that kind of attack extending to other foreigners, exactly what the British National Party (BNP) is dreaming of. It might even be worse than what happened in France recently, the riots will get out of hand and I foresee a terrible casualty count. I have spoken with some of my British friends and they have confirmed what the papers are trying to achieve, sow seeds of racial hatred!
There is indeed nothing we can do about these now but to ask our Muslim brothers to be careful as from now on, as their actions or utterances, however well intended they look might spark any form of stir which by British standards become a conflagration within minutes. The bottom line is that we should all be on the lookout and pay more attention to the news. A word is enough for the wise.

I Think Someone Should Read This
Its an editorial by the respected Guardian Columnist, Dr. Reuben Abati, friday's edition of The Guardian.
http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/editorial_opinion/article02

Friday Night Live

2007-02-03T12:30:00.000Z

My blog is late getting to the news stands today, I am just getting out of bed sleeping the off the hangover from Friday night. Yo I had mad fun hanging out with my buddies for the first time in a long time.
I got into the club about midnight, with the Naija DJ on the ones and twos already doing his thing, the floor packed with bodies already sweating it out. Friday night is that night when blacks and whites come to this club to mingle, the whites looking for some ebony flav and the blacks looking for a white key to complete their pianos. Its always a bam site to behold. Dawg um (My dog in Igbo really)and I got a vantage position near the bar, sentry position actually, got our bottle of red wine and just waited like the fabled patient dog, the fat bone wasn't too far away.
First to come along was some heavily chesticled babe who was in my faculty in my Uni in Naija, she came in with her sister who came to visit from Hungary. Omo boi went into the chatting mode as usual. Along came a stunning white beauty, OMG!!!.....I just had to find a way of discharging my Naija sista. Ok I made it to the white chick only to discover she doesn't speak a syllable of English....she was from Poland!..yawa, but mehn, we had to communicate one way or the other, sign language or braille, we just had to communicate.Wow!!!this Polish chikita was a fiery dancer, Omo I doff my head-warmer for am ni sha. There was this other chick, She came to sit near me, and yours truly began speaking French to her (Who teach me French...lol), she just allowed me to go on for like 5 mins before telling me I was talking gibberish, the chick was actually French!!!!...U got busted dude...lol.
Black chicks must always f**k up, even when you make it hard for them. As the night was winding down and time to go home was near, awon peoples started making last minute "networking". I wonder why my own is always different. The network I found myself was a long legged one from Barbados. Before I could even finish presenting my "State of the Union" speech she started singing that she was lesbian. kai!...I vex sha...I told her point blank she isn't, and she was like how would I know that, that what right do I have to tell her she isn't....but stubborn rascal like me, I no gree, "U ain't a lesbian", she was almost crying.....she asked me to tell hey why I thought she wasn't. "You don't fit the profile" was my answer. I just left her there and walked away, but I had hurt that lady somehow because she just stood for minutes talking to her friends and starring at me. Wetin concern me, the worst that will happen will be that I will get gang-raped by a group of lesbian activists to teach me a lesson not to run my Ibadan mouth anyhow. That will be a welcome development, it wont be a threesome or something, but an Xsome, where X represents how many of them come for the operation. I will only just insist they let me use a condom, period.
It was a miracle that I made it to work today anyway, and I didn't fall asleep, but I tell you, Friday was mad fun,only God knows when I will do it again.

The Indian Hypocrisy

2007-02-02T07:11:00.000Z

When the British "blouse-mouth" Jade Goody made utterances during the recent Celebrity Big Brother, the phrase "Race Row" became planted in our literature. The world rose in Unison to condemn her unfortunate unguarded miss-yarnings against the Indian beauty Shilpa Shetty. This action in turn damaged her career unimaginably. But what majority of us don't know, or haven't paid serious attention to, is that India is still one of the surviving "apartheid" countries in the world.
In India, there exists a caste system, where the "Untouchables", the Dalits are so looked down upon they sometimes see themselves as lepers.
Do you know that in India if you are black it will be easier for 10 camels to pass through the eye of a needle than for you to have a relationship with a white Indian? The white Indians see themselves as the pure breed, the Indo-Aryans, the blacks are seen as pollutants. So I wonder why they made it look like it was something strange to them. Even out here in Britain, if you are not Indian you can't even get close to an Indian girl, the best she can give to you is a smile and a lie(that she can't remember her phone number, that you should give her yours that she will call...because na small pikin im dey talk to now).The white Indian girls are the biggest culprits, anything black turns them off.
So, in as much as I don't support racism, discrimination, or any form of segregation, I think Jade did a good job of hitting India where it hurts most, so they know what the Dalits are going through, though that doesn't seem like it will change anything for Dramendra's people.

Sydney Sheldon
One of the best novels I have read is a combo novel that had if Tomorrow Comes,Master of The Game, and The Other Side of Midnight, Written by Sydney Sheldon.One of the greatest novelists to live. I always thought the dude was female. Sydney Sheldon died on Tuesday, 30th January, 2007, of Pneumonia, at the ripe old age of 89. Rest in Peace Sydney.

Picture from pravda.ru

Shilpa Shetty

2007-02-01T09:13:00.000Z

I have a problem, I love beautiful women. Shilpa Shetty, the bollywood winner of Celebrity Big Brother is definitely one of them. Chick has everything, at least physically, that a man wants, a well proportioned posterior view and an equal well sculptured, firm looking, anterior view. She is also a very talented singer(which Indian actress isn't?)

I had to go into research about her. This is culled from her website www.shilpa-shetty.com, and was done by Dechen

Shilpa Shetty was born on June 8, 1975, to Surendra Shetty and Sunanda Shetty. Not many people are aware that Shilpa's parents were models in their time. Her mother had modelled for Forhans, Bournvita and her father for Yera glasses. So after tenth standard (grade), when Shilpa had some free time, she went up to a photographer opposite her building and asked him to take her pictures. She gave her photographs to various ad agencies and work started coming in.

At that time, Shilpa was only 15 and wanted to become a ramp model but she didn't get in because she was only 5'7" and not as skinny and tall as other models. She was heart broken when they rejected her. But Shilpa became couple of inches taller later.

Shilpa had no background in acting, but at the age of 17, she was offered the leading role in her first film Gaata Rahe Mera Dil opposite Rahul Roy. But sadly the film never got completed and was stalled. But the offer didn't stop there, the next film she was offered was Baazigar, opposite Shahrukh Khan and Kajol. Which became a super hit and Shilpa earned a Film fare nomination for Best New Comer.

Next, Shilpa signed two films with Govinda and both flopped and things seem to get worse. But it was her one song 'Churake Dil Mera' in Main Khiladi Tu Anari opposite her ex-boyfriend Akshay Kumar, which completely gave Shilpa a new image in Bollywood. She became the hottest thing ever to happen in Bollywood and she received more praise for her (5'10") body than her performances. Her films flopped one after the another and at one point, she thought of quitting.

By that time, Shilpa had already worked in couple of films in Telugu and Tamil. Then she signed Pardesi Babu opposite Govinda and Raveena Tandon. The film flopped but Shilpa won the 'Best Supporting Actress' award at the Zee Gold Bollywood Award.

Again, another two films Jaanwar and Lal Baadshah flopped. By then the industry had written off Shilpa until her special appearance song 'Main Aayi Hoon U.P. Bihar Lootne' brought her back. The film Shool became a hit and Shilpa's song spreaded like a wild fire.

In 2000, Shilpa starred opposite Akshay Kumar and Sunil Shetty in director Dharmesh Darshan's Dhadkan. The film that redefined Shilpa Shetty. Shilpa was finally noticed for her acting abilities. Shilpa earned a IIFA (International Indian Film Awards) award in the 'Best Actress' category. The film itself became an average at the box office.

Than followed some hit films like Kushi (Tamil), Preethsod Thappa (Kannada), and Indian (Hindi).

In 2002, Shilpa had five films ready for release. Badhaai Ho Badhaai, Chor Machaaye Shor, Hathyar, Karz, and Rishtey. Sadly all the films flopped and even worst, Karz and Rishtey released on the same day. But not everything was sad in 2002. In Hathyar, Shilpa bagged more praise for her role than her co-star Sanjay Dutt. And in Rishtey, Shilpa was reported as the only good thing about the film. She received two nominations in the 'Best Comedian' category, one by the Screen Awards and the other by Sansui Viewers Choice Movie Awards. And Filfare nominated her in the Best Supporting Actress category.

Shilpa recieved mixed reviews in 2003 for her role in Darna Mana Hai and her film with Ravichandran Ondagona Baa (Kannada) became a hit.

Shilpa's first release in 2004 was director Punit Issar Garv, opposite her close friend Salman Khan. Shilpa only had songs in the film, but the film managed to became a hit. Then came director Revathy's Phir Milenge opposite Abhishek Bachchan and Salman Khan. Phir Milenge dealt with HIV/AIDS issue where Shilpa played the victim (Tamanna) of an HIV positive. Phir Milenge changed every critics image of Shilpa. She recieved great reviews for her performance. She was awarded by the Giant International Award for Phir Milenge. Indo-Pak's Young Achiever also awarded Shilpa.

In 2004, Shilpa was nominated in the 'Best Actress' category at every award ceremony, including Filmfare, IIFA, and Screen Awards to name a few. But in a film industry where the 'popular' people rules, Shilpa was ignored yet again by every single award ceremonies.

In 2005, AAHOA awarded Shilpa for her role in Phir Milenge. Shilpa appeared in director Deepak Tijori's Khamosh where she played a call-girl. Shilpa was cast opposite her sister Shamita Shetty in Fareb alongside Manoj Bajpai. Also directed by Deepak Tijori. Shilpa also appeared in the multi-starrer Dus. Directed by Anubhav Sinha. Shilpa managed to over shadow the guys in Dus with her actions, especially the high kick. Recently Shilpa's film Auto Shankar opposite Upendra released and now confirmed to be doing great at the box office.

Currently, in Mumbai, Shilpa is an AIDS activist and she's also representing for PETA India against animal cruelty.

I can't believe Shilpa was in Babel!!

But as far as i am concerned its not all goody goody(no pun intended) for Shilpa's home country, as i will tomorrow hit India where they have being hiding it most.

Forward Ever, Leftward Never

2007-01-31T09:56:00.000Z

The "Left" has always been viewed as a derogatory and evil direction, even beef songs have now been made with it, like the very interesting one by Beyoncé Knowles
Now Beyoncé has assumed too much with this song!Don't get me wrong, I love the sheer melody of the track, one of my favourites for 2006, the "To the left to the left" chorus is a sing-along you can't miss, but Miss Knowles has assumed far too much. I am not saying a girl isn't entitled to breaking up a relationship, neither am I saying men have the licence to be unfaithful more than women do, but spitting it in his face that she has already replaced him smacks of arrogance. It also shows that she was also unfaithful! yes she was, how can she already have a replacement that was ready to move in even before the guys taxi turned the corner? Says so much about how guys should be careful when lovey-doveying, most likely your Egovin has a substitute player warming up on the tracks waiting for you to sustain a hamstring injury for him to take your position full-time (because I reckon he must also have been running things with your girl whenever your back is turned), just saying.
But seriously, how many Naija guys live with their girlfriends?, to the extent that a Beyonce will ask them to pack their load she has arranged tothe left and leave. No...I know in the West a woman can ask you to leave the house if she feels like, but the wordings of the song portray a good for nothing dude, who was given shelter by a girlfriend, maybe because of his dexterity in the affairs of the bed or something, she even bought him a car,buys him clothes and jewellery, ok I see a sugar mummy scenario. Trust me 95% of Naija guys won't be caught in this situation. Tufiakwa!!!, that I, OmoIbadan, will one day become so slack and move in with my Egovin, and whenever I display some small routine rascality she will just slot in the Beyonce CD and scroll to "Irreplaceable" just to jerk me back to reality. Never, it isn't a Naija or African thing, we don't move in with our girlfriends, we only move in with sugar mummies, and even that is always a temporary situation. So Madam Beyonce, your track isn't for the Naija boys eh...we can't see the message in that track, we only dance to it in the club, or nod to it in OUR CARS (yes the one we bought with our own money)..and wearing clothes bought with our money (she almost left the guy naked ni sha, chei!)..Now I know the dudes from the west are such unbelievably spoilt sons, who at short notice move in with any girl. God forbid. To the left to the left ko, to the right to the right ni.

Upside Down

2007-01-30T09:41:00.000Z

Quiet day at work today, just went through the motions as usual. I sense Nikky is beginning to act cold towards me....but why must women always do this, does asking a woman out and she refusing now turn you into an enemy, into a threat that should be avoided and put under constant surveillance so that he doesn't strike again? anyway sha, she will definitely be ok eventually as long as her coldness wont stop my Pound flow . Yesterday was depressing for me, at least the later part of it, got some news that got me seriously set-back....but hey we have seen worse things, "A ri iru ri, afin deru ba omo ni", so i wont linger on that unnecessarily.
Jeez!!! my flatmate and his Trinidadian girlfriend will not kill pesin, I wake up every morning to find the bathroom stuffed with tissue and the tissue row completely depleted, a sign of the coital activities that must have occurred while law-abiding dudes like me slumber deep hoping to wake refreshed for another day of hustling. Now the girl has asked me to help her locate some kind of bread and breakfast accommodation....uhm..looks like there is a disturbance in the force. Na dem sabi. This obodo oyibo sef....things dey happens sha.

I read The Nigerian Guardian online today, and saw news about the Voters registration that ended yesterday, they still managed not to register everybody who was registrable, same story, shortage of this and that, some people are just bent on getting their way...ok we are watching...lets see what they are up to.

I heard this song yesterday, I really liked it......I am going to post it here and i hope you will like it too. It is a very deep song, says so much about our lives and our times. Was done by Jack Johnson, Titled Upside Down.

Permanent Visa

2007-01-29T12:16:00.001Z

I woke up this morning on time...phew thank God. Yes I have to wake up early mehn...5:30am, when most hard working men gets up, I arise and smell the hot air (I welcome that) oozing out of my heater....initially the daze is still there, I am still contemplating whether to go back under the duvet or just call in sick. It takes under 30 seconds to jerk me back to reality, call in sick ke!...which naija hustler ever does that?...abi instead I will call in and ask if people have called in sick so that I can take their shifts, not that i wish anybody bad, money has to be made and made plenty too. What kind of work do i do?....nice question, I do "moppo"..yeah .....warreva, I love the job, one of those things a student is allowed to do, but i do it with glee and count my wages with glee also whenever they come in.
Anyway, this morning as usual, I made it to work too early and had to wait outside in the cold for the sexy woman who normally opens the doors...I digress...this woman should be in her 40s, u know how a white woman in her 40s will look now, old, wrinkled and fairly bent, but this one fitted the profile but still remained sexy, and i have this feeling she is interested in me...well....not that I am hot or anything, just a hunch..we shall see sha.....ehen back to what I was saying before I was interrupted..I got to work early today, rushed through what has now become a ritual, a kind of algorithm, sweep, mope, climb, sweep, mop. Monotonous, but I like it, very little brain power, you could even sleep through it. There is this Irish gurl that works in the same office, Nicola (you can call me Nikky)....on the plump side, I think I like the gurl, so i walk upstairs and meet one of the guys there. I asked the guy the easiest way to ask a white gurl out, dude looked at me with so much surprise and replied "I might be the wrong person for you to ask that question". Sharp sharp my fag alarm went off, he actually looked gay, I should beat a fast retreat before the situation gets out of hand....God forbid!!....but dude now calms me down with his next speech.."I am not good with ladies, I am very shy"...wow, see relief. I now went on to giving him tips on how to lose that timidity, using naija gurls as an illustration for him. Anyway, I eventually asked Nikky for a date...:(.....she turned me down "I dont think my boyfriend would appreciate that"...same story they tell u every time. cant a young man have a youngin in this parts? So so old women picking awon boys up at the club..shege!

BTW: I got this strange text message 2 days ago, actually it got sent twice

Pls ring 08453004433 to vote 4 amnesty 4 immigrants in UK(sic) before tuesday next wk and pass on de message to as many as u can. The UK govt is considering granting permanet(sic) visa/indefinate stay 2 imigrants(sic) that are already here both legal and illegal, dis will be presented 2 the parliament next tuesday. pls call dis number 2 votd 4 de amnesty 2 be granted 2 us. de more votes de more chances we have to get it approved. even if you have permanent visa pls do it 4 others thanks. pls tell other(sic)

really I didn't know what to make of it....is it possible, how come it isn't on the news?....anyway, if it happens good for omo boi, if not...as my kpali expire and I no fit renew, Lagos straight......but God pls let it be true O.

My Memos

2007-01-28T11:14:00.000Z

I am picking this story four months into it, I am a Nigerian presently living in Britain and studying. It was indeed a dream come through when I set out of Lagos, that wet Friday night, with my family and a couple of friends standing behind the demarcation, waving me goodbye and God's speed as I looked back for the last time, I hope not, at a country and a family I was leaving behind. My mum looked sad as she told me not to worry that she wasn't going to cry, that God was going to be with me all the way, I felt sad too but go I had to as I sauntered towards my aircraft which was already revved and waiting to deliver me into the United Kingdom.
My experiences here have already began to form my opinion afresh on the issue of the Nigerian state. The natives of this land are largely lazy, rowdy, and most times embarrassingly drunk, but that hasn't stopped the system from working. This is kind of strange. The average Nigerian is hard working, most times a moralist, the churches never lack the crowd, even some have the reputation of dusting a grade A international match, even one involving Brazil, in terms of the crowd. So the question is what is the problem with our dear fatherland? I remember those days of yon when street lights worked, when traffic lights could save the lock-downs on our roads, when hospitals weren't places where you checked into to to be murdered medically, I remember when I told myself I was never going to leave Nigeria, I remember now, and I remember the saying "

E go better, E go better

". Crap!!. E go better, and the old men at the top still have our throats in a vice-like hold, they are gradually and successfully forcing the air out of our collective lungs, the are going to kill us if something doesn't happen!.
The last fuel scarcity is a perfect picture of this systematic erosion of the system, the current President made it clear there wasn't going to be any fuel increase in 2006, he kept that promise, and the pumps puked their precious contents with so much joy you could tie ribbons round their necks and give them tips, the economy moved, everything looked like "e go better again".....we jubilated too early, the fuel dealers, including Baba President himself, had their calendars ticked, it was almost 2007, now the hoarding war should begin. The fuel queues returned, the pipeline vandals had no choice, time for brisk business, and the body count, I mean roast count, is there to show for it.....this is absurd, in a nation where crude flows out of cracks in the mud walls of the Niger Delta, where gas is so abundant we have had to touch the Southern nights with it so that is doesn't overflow its banks, a nation labelled "The fifth largest producer" of the black gold, a nation America would have willingly invaded for the oil if not for the distance and the timidity of our government.
But I must say this, we are gradually gathering in exile, I mean we of the generation who saw corruption rape Nigeria till her womanhood dripped blood, I mean those of us who didn't leave about 15 years ago, we are gathering, not for war, but to affect and infect Nigeria with the will to make things work.....from outside yes...from the outside, we are going to work as hard as we have worked in Nigeria, and we are going to work honestly for the money, and mark my words, my sweat will add its little salt to making Nigeria sweet again, I might be low on hope, drunk with pessimism but a Nigerian I will remain, no matter what I do or I say, a Nigerian I will die. Above all I want to be able to talk to my British friends about how blessed we are and I want to do this with pride too. God knows this is the time to fulfil that potential.